Posted by admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 16-07-2009
There are many reasons to date. You can date for fun, for entertainment, for companionship, for sex, or like a large majority of the people out there, to find a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. This honorable and annoying labour of love is what we have decided to call relationship dating.
Even though we put different labels on the different types of dating encounters based on their motivation, dont misunderstand me, they can all be traced back to a search for significance and contentement in our interactions with other people. Below I will give you some examples of what I mean:
So let’s date for fun!?
Dating for fun…or sex…is a search for meaning and fulfillment. Yes, you did read correctly, let me get in to it. Dating is full of frustration, tension, subliminal messages, attack and parry. For most of us this hardly sounds like much fun. There are a lot of guys and gals out there who find the game exhilarating. For them it is synonymous with the X-Games! But… why is dating so exciting for them? The answer is validation. It’s the same reason people jump out of planes and love rollercoaster’s.
In this validation people find fulfillment and meaning…but I digress…
For the rest of us that find dating akin to a dentist visit, and in the spirit of simplicity which characterizes us, here are some key nuggets of wisdom which should help us gain perspective when we are thinking: “What the hell am I doing?!”
Don’t pretend: Some people feel that the only way to find your significant other is to join the club scene, go bar hopping and overindulge on martinis. If that life is not you, then why join? Unless you intend to discover people who do not have much in comon with you this appears to be a loosing proposition.
Do more of what you like, be more of what you are. Share yourself. If you like dancing, join a dance class, invite people in the group to practice outside of class, join them for dancing on a night out on the town.
The concepte here is to search for ways to make your sphere of experience wider and at the same time do stuff that you really like. At these moments you will be legitimately yourself, and you will be showing the best of you.
Look deep: Another thing that generally happens when dating is that we give the physical appearance of our dates incredibly high importance. Guys do this without question. Although it is less notable in women, it happens just the same.
Of course there must be some kind of chemistry for a relationship to work, but a lot of the time that initial gravitation is due to factors much more complex than just good looks. Like anything else, appearances fade.
People change, they could put on some weight, go bald, get flabby, loose their tan, just like you and me; they are real people in the day to day grind of life, not a polaroid picture. You want to look for other things which have a higher impact on the success of a long term relationship.
Perfect is just a word: One way in which we sometimes sabotage our own efforts is by giving that little thing that bothers us about our potential mate so much importance, that we kill the whole endeavor. Nobody is perfect, we all get indigestion, we all get blackheads, we all suffer body odor when sweaty, we all get touchy on occasion. So…look at the big picture.
Be there: To use a very common sports analogy, to win the game you have to play. If you go directly from your office to your house to the sofa to watch the latest TV show and then to bed, only to go at it again the next morning you are NOT likely to meet someone…anyone!
Put yourself out there… take that last minute invite, actually pick up the phone and dial up that friend you said you would call three weeks ago…
Go ahead and DO! If you get it wrong, dont worry; just forget about it and get out there DOING again…
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