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Flirting is, at its most basic, a way to meet potential mates and see if they are compatible. There are many circumstances, for example a wedding or party, where flirting is the only way to create a romantic liaison with someone you don’t know and might otherwise never see again. Because of all of this, flirting is a very important skill, and it’s one that makes a lot of people nervous. There is an art of flirting, though, and it’s an art that can be learned. Here are some pointers.

The Path To Success

1. Lower your expectations. If you don’t take it too seriously then flirting will be great fun. A lot of the time, you’ll just flirt with someone for a brief time and then possibly never talk to them again. If you always go in to flirting expecting to date or even marry the person you’re flirting with, you’re going to be very disappointed–and you’ll probably seem a little desperate. Never forget, you’re just flirting.

2. Look approachable. Relax and smile. You can use your body language to emphasize what a fun person you are, and also demonstrate that you are relaxed and confident. There’s absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

3. Read body language. Does the person appear approachable? Do they seem to be showing interest in you? When you see someone with whom you might want to flirt, start to read his or her body language immediately. Once you’re actually flirting with the person, body language is often the only way to tell if the person is actually interested in you . We all have a natural ability to read body language, but it’s easy to misread signals, so be careful and take it slow. If you see any sign at all that the person is interested in you, pay close attention for other signs that confirm this.

4. Make eye contact, but only for a brief moment. Don’t Stare. Gaze briefly at the person, smile with your eyes, and then look away slowly. When you look back and notice the person looking back to meet your eyes, then they’re likely interested in flirting a bit.

5. Initiate a conversation with the person you’re interested in. If you’ve not met before just make small talk. Probably my favorite way to initiate a conversation is to make a simple observation that ends with a question, “Beautiful weather, isn’t it?” or ” It sure is packed here?” are just two examples. Its not important what you say. You don’t really need an answer to the question; you are simply inviting the person to talk with you. If the person’s response is pleasant, then continue the conversation. If you struggle to extract a response or if the person appears preoccupied or disinterested, then they’re most likely not interested in flirting with you. At the start of your conversation, avoid reference to anything personal. Discuss your surroundings, the tv show you just watched, etc., but resist the temptation to talk about yourself and don’t ask them personal questions.

6. Gradually share information about yourself in a reciprocal manner. If this small talk goes well, proceed to share a little information about yourself–just something small like what you do for a living or how you liked the show you just saw, for example. There will be a point, however, when you will want to introduce yourself and, with a bit of luck, discover the other person’s name. In order to share information it is essential that you both slowly open up. Take it in turns to talk, and everytime the other person volunteers some personal information, reciprocate and maybe go a little further than the other person in terms of the amount of information you give. As an example, say you’re talking to a girl who tells you that she’s taking summer classes, you might want to share that you’re also taking summer classes, and then go on to tell her about the class which excites you most. This is an invitation for her to disclose more about herself. In this fashion, the intimacy of the conversation will increase over time. Be careful not to share too much about yourself too quickly, and don’t encourage the other person to do so either.

7. Focus your complete attention on the person. Laugh at their jokes, listen to their stories, and don’t get distracted by what’s going on around you. Try not to hog the conversation, it’s more important that you appear interested than you appear interesting. Being a good listener has more relevance to successful flirting than being witty.

8. Let your body language hint at your romantic intentions. If things are progressing well, you might want to attempt to break the touch barrier. Touch his or her arm briefly and gently as you talk. Alternatively you could be more assertive and hold the person’s hand when you cross the road, or if walking to a seat or a table, lead them by gently holding their arm. Touching in this fashion helps to break down that personal space barrier. Watch out for red flags, as some people have issues about their personal space, and its better if you don’t make them feel uncomfortable. It’s generally more acceptable for a woman to touch early in a conversation than it is a man. If a man they’ve just met encroaches into their personal space most women will feel threatened, while men are more open to being touched. Always proceed with caution, and back off if the signs from the person are negative or mixed.

9. Seal the deal. Most of the time flirting is just harmless fun, and hardly anything comes of it. From time to time, though, you’ll bump into someone who you’d like to see again and who you think would also like to see you again. Flirting is simply a type of courting ritual, a means to meeting potential boyfriends and girlfriends, maybe even your future spouse. It’s not time to make wedding plans yet, though, begin by obtaining the other person’s phone number. This is the hardest part for most people, because you have to be open about your intentions, and so risk rejection. Be brave. Tell the person you’d like to see him or her again, and just ask for their phone number or, if it feels right, try to set up a date for some future time. If the person isn’t interested, don’t sweat it. It’s not the end of the world, there will always be another guy or girl to flirt with.

Whilst this article advises women on how to flirt with men, men flirting with women can very often benefit from the same advice.

Take This Advice

* What you say is not of paramount importance (unless its completely idiotic), but, whatever you do say, try and keep your conversation positive. Don’t be arrogant, pushy, or negative, just act friendly.

* When you first start talking with someone, don’t aim to flirt. Simply aim to have a conversation. This will remove a lot of pressure from the both of you.

* Do not chase anyone if they do not return your interest. If the person doesn’t appear interested then walk away. They could react negatively if you assume that they’re playing hard to get and become too pushy.

* Compliments can go a long way. It’s a fantastic idea to pay the person a compliment while you’re talking, but only if you mean it, and avoid embarrassing compliments (about a woman’s figure, say).

* If you’re uneasy about asking for their number, try and give them your number. If they are truly interested in you they will give you a call. You could also remove the pressure and allow the conversation to continue by passing them your email address.

Be Warned, There Are Pitfalls!

* Never flirt with someone who you are certain that you’re not romantically interested in, period. Otherwise, you risk accidentally leading them on, which can lead to an embarrassing moment and uncomfortable interactions afterwards. But still remember that you are not getting married, yet. Similar to giving a compliment, flirting should always appear sincere. If you see any sign at all that the person is interested in you, pay close attention for other signs that confirm this.

* Use flirting that is appropriate for the setting. Meeting at a disco or library, say, would not make talking easy. In this case, smile, act interested, and wait for a spontaneous opportunity to meet at the punch bowl or in the lobby. However, be careful not to appear to be a stalker or you will scare them away.

* Flirting is not always appropriate. Funerals, for example, are generally not good places to flirt. Flirting in the workplace is also generally a no-no. If you happen to flirt at work, be on your best behavior, and don’t press the issue if the other person isn’t interested.

* Humor is a great way to flirt with people, but don’t make jokes that could offend your flirting target. When flirting with someone dirty jokes often spring to mind, but they are out of place in a conversation, and can either result in the other person being turned off, or in one of those awkward silences which kill the mood, and only embarrass you. Take time to think before you speak, and don’t forget, you don’t always have to be funny.

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